I am not a vengeful person, but changing my Netflix password after being dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years satisfied me in a way he never could.

I'm 2 years older than her but was somehow 4 grades ahead of her? Don't ask me how that works.

It’ll usually get you a single SAG voucher, and you need 3 of those to join.

My cat fucking LOVES Life of Pi.

He’s definitely the type of guy who won’t kiss you after you go down on him because it’s “gross.”

Why does the video look like it was shot on my dad’s over-the-shoulder camcorder from 1995?

Did...did he watch Gone Girl after he filmed it?

The black and white mocha is the one “secret” item we were actually taught how to make at Starbucks, so fear not: zero hassle. You could even call it a Zebra Mocha if you wanted to be crazy.

I can practically hear the you-lost-on-The-Price-is-Right sound while looking at that photo. Glorious.

I'm not gonna pretend like I don't know who Rita Ora is, but I genuinely had no idea she was a singer or British. Huh.

Seriously, was there ever more perfect casting?

I do believe that one of these couples is not having sex, but it's not the couple that's shouting that shit from the rooftops.

To be fair it seems like in the behind-the-scenes thing on every Pixar DVD there’s a moment when they’re like, “AND THEN WE REALIZED IT WAS TERRIBLE AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE AND WE HAD TO START ALL OVER AGAIN” and it always works out okay. See: Toy Story, Wall-E.

Oh man, he divorced that lady he met at the Whole Foods parking lot?! I liked that story.

I didn’t want them to get back together until I read “Bennifer Prime.” Now I want nothing more.

Holy shit, if I was giving a dude a beej and he made a face like that, I would retire my mouth forever.

I know that park! That's not a bad place to bang.

Last year I went to a friend-of-a-friend’s wedding, so my BFF didn’t have to go alone. The wedding was in the middle of goddamn nowhere in Northern Wisconsin, and the bride and groom let everyone know that there were cabins available nearby so we wouldn’t have to make the long trek home that night.

Did...did you watch the trailer?

Fingers crossed for Jinger Jenner!