The Redskins would be fantastic and I'd put it somewhere near a 2% chance of happening given they're conspicuously never playing on Thanksgiving and the NFL seems like it doesn't enjoy thorough examination of the Raiders East because, ya know, Dan Snyder.

Dude better stop playing football if he wants to continue having the mental capacity for math.

"Seahawks up the road"

yep.

They only had two freshman go pro last year and two the year before that. Seven guys came back as sophomores this year. There are a lot of reasons not to like Kentucky, but not as many guys as everyone thinks are actually one-and-done. The 2010 and 2012 teams had more, but are you really gonna tell two #1 overall…

uh no

I also guessed my way through the language placement test and somehow passed it. High school was harder than college for me, by kind of a lot.

My three 4's and four 3's were all accepted at the University of South Carolina.

I drew pirate ships being attacked by sharks in the back of mine. At some point a proctor was walking around the room and saw me doing this. He gave me a filthy look but wasn't allowed to say anything to me, which I thoroughly enjoyed as a mentally checked-out high school senior.

I took 7 of them, got A's and B's in all of them and passed all 7 AP tests, had a solid SAT score (1350/1600), plus was really involved in extracurriculars and all that good shit and still didn't get into UVA (I had pegged my chances at 50/50 when I applied).

"There's no evidence of climate change. I'm not a scientist, but I've seen no evidence of climate change." -Tea Party Bill Simmons

98. Getting hit by a car

You're not wrong that agents seem generally slimy, but team management (for any team) signs guys to unguaranteed contracts that can be voided as soon as the player gets crippled playing an extremely dangerous sport, while the owner lobbies for an 18-game regular season. Both sides are gross.

If you try to trade J-Bug for Jack-o, WHO SAYS NO?!

"What are you talking about?! I'm an underrated semi-elite jump shooter in our pickup league where Jalen is on my team every single time and we only play against other white guys my age! I'm in the conversation for second best player on the team!" -Simmons

The same reason a lot of poor white people vote for Ted Cruz and Scott Walker and other champions of income inequality.

You get paid what someone is willing to pay you. If you were one of the very best in the world at your job you'd want to be compensated as such, and it would be bullshit if you weren't.

you and me both.

Yeah 95% of the league doesn't have the leverage Revis does, but I'm supportive of him using it as he sees fit.

I'm glad Deadspin is taking Revis's side. I'm a Pats fan and am sad to see him go, but as a human being I'm happy to see a guy actually use his leverage repeatedly in a league where everyone plays a bloodsport on contracts that can be voided at any time. More elite players should hire whoever his agent is.