The fact that Ivanka needed a chin implant, a nose job, whatever else she’s had done to her face, and implants and body sculpting ought to put the idea that the Trumps are “genetically superior” to rest.

...in a locked room that will slowly fill with Zyklon-B.

$5 says “Veterans for Trump” is run out of an office in the suburbs of St. Petersburg, and not the one in Florida.

The point of the arena deal and that wad of taxpayer cash was to “revitalize” a moribund downtown. That it’s taken a single home game (and that might even be generous) for the new car smell to wear off should encapsulate pretty neatly the scam of publicly financed stadiums.

I just figured out how Trump won.

Oh thank god. Craig Carton is an insufferable prick and among the worst of the shock jocks on sports radio. There is literally nothing bad that could happen to him that he wouldn’t deserve.

Are you wearing pants when you call?

These idiots probably still believe in the mythical Original Six.

What an amateur. He should have been yelling “stop resisting.”

when he tried to cross a set of railroad tracks directly in front of a moving train

The tires are black.

“Brothers? Barron has no brothers!” - Dr. Melania Girlfriend

“Don’t mind if I do....”

You just know he’s gonna use those braces to get an exemption to use a banned substance…

My acupuncturist says that phrenology has questionable science behind it... so, only every 2 weeks! Trust me, the topography of the skull is sound..

Also, Melania is troubled by “the vapors” and Eric Trump is so vexed by bad humors in his blood that not even leeching by the Trump Concierge Barber Service has helped

Better calls:

It’s the internet, so potentially underage girls are probably middle aged men.

How did he go from a 6.41 ERA (!) with 108 K’s at age 32 to a 2.77 ERA with 180 K’s at age 36 with the Cubbies? It’s certainly a head-scratcher.