I’ve seen so many posts about how they need to get Steve Bartman to throw out the first pitch for their 2017 opening day, or how they need to get him in the parade.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

“Joe, I’ve assembled a can’t-lose roster.”

I know what the average Cubs fan is thinking: “When I was a kid in Palo Alto in the 1980s a funny looking drunk guy sang about Cracker Jacks and Cubbies on basic cable!”

Just before the final out, my 95 year old grampa, veteran of two wars, cancer survivor, and long-suffering cubs fan, pulled me aside and, with a tear forming in his steel grey eyes, said, “The blacks ruined this neighborhood and your sister dresses like a whore.” This was for him.

That’s an oddball collection of teams you’ve got there.

You forgot one:

‘Member Arnold Palmer?

As a Chiefs fan, I appreciate what this guy has done for the team the last couple of years. Am I anxious to see what Foles can do under Reid again (especially after what he did last week)? Yes. But I really hope KC isn’t doing Smith dirty and making him go through this for the second time in his career.

Not surprised he would do that. He’s always been a “me me” kind of guy.

Fuck yeah I’ll remember Andre Johnson. He seems to me like the guy, in like ten or fifteen years, when most kids have stopped playing football and the ratings have gone off a cliff and everyone’s remembering what it used to be like in the NFL’s glory days and wondering how we ever tolerated such bloodsport on such a…

Better question: Will Andre Johnson remember Andre Johnson? Because of CTE, get it? GALLOWS HUMOR!

I’m sorry but I don’t believe these reports. As a Mets fan, I can tell you Familia can’t beat anyone in October.

Ray Allen’s jumper is on the short list of perfect movements in sports, right up there with my namesake’s swing, Paul Coffey’s stride and insert your own Najeh Davenport joke here.

I owned two college basketball jerseys in my time...

See, what you’re looking for is a 1,500 word profile, and this is a 350 word announcement

Oh man, you might be half right.

I am laughing so hard at this you dumb idiot

uh, it’s just Labatt, not Labatt’s

For once our Canadian spelling doesn’t contain extraneous letters

the AFC East’s three other fanbases to not really feel much of anything