Yeah we don't even talk about my tattoos (just two small ones, but still scandalousssss) and we never mention that my SIL went through a tumultuous period during her divorce and got a -gasp- LOWER BACK TATTOO OMGGGGGG

Wellllllll she throws shade for many things (hair is only the tiniest tip of the iceberg). I am an Oregon hippie transplant with my breastfeeding and tomboy looks and no lipstick. She tries to change all of that and the longer my hair gets the more comments come forth. "Isn't it hard having long hair?" "You'd look so…

Amen, sister. Every single woman I know here in the South has cut their hair off as soon as they spawned. Me, I am doing my damn best to be a mermaid with these long flowy locks. My MIL throws me shade (because both her and my SIL have identical crops) but my own mother has gorgeous long hair at 58 and I aspire to be…

One them is 18, and the other two are 17. They can all legally drive a vehicle. One can serve in the military, and the other two are only months away. Tell me again how we treat them as adults in society but their brains aren't developed enough to tell them that murdering a 14 year old girl is a bad thing. Jesus.

No one gave you the straight-to-the-top-of-FBI direct line number? I thought that was handed out to every LEO in America. I hear if you're FBI, they give you the President's number, cause that's the only guy more powerful!

God, we got an email at work telling us to make sure our phone hotspots weren't broadcasting our agency name (THEY DON'T BECAUSE THAT ISN'T HOW THEY WORK) because apparently someone called the main line to report that they could see a wifi named "AGENCY Surveillance Van."

Her kid's name is Willow Primrose, because of course it is.

Her hair is amazing. It's like a helmet!

No, the fact that criminals have almost free access to firearms is what endangers us all. So long as people can freely purchase firearms through unregulated means such as gun shows, personal sales, the internet, and on the damn street, then you will always havw risk. The

This is why we have a strict sweatpants-only rule with our best couple friends. I'll put real pants on if some of our newer friends come over for dinner but for everyone else it's soft pants AND IT IS THE BEST RULE EVER.

I had my wee one in 2011 and would have given up all the pie and bourbon (okay maybe just pie) in the world for some fucking parental leave! Instead I had to burn through six years of accrued sick leave and a lot of vacation, as well as work part time from home to stretch it out, just to take three months. Part of…

They should make an accompanying video from the perspective of the women. It would be five minutes of high fiving and yelling that I REGRET SLEEPING WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE SHOULDA DONE MY HOMEWORK BEFORE THE BONING BUT THANK GOD I DIDN'T REPRODUCE WITH YOU IT'S LIKE I HAD THE FORESIGHT TO KNOW YOU ARE A DOUCHE…

It's not just you. I have a wee one and have been to a zillion baby showers, and no way in hell am I playing those games. I will wear a dress and bring a bomb ass present but there beter be mimosas and NO GAMES

Not too nosy at all. I grew up not particularly wanting kids (or at least never thinking about it). Children were meh, I liked them well enough but that was the extent of my feelings about it. People always said I'd change my mind and that was annoying as fuck (I probably could have remained childless just out of…

At least two, because apparently it's a dick move not to give your child a sibling and he'll turn out to be a spoiled, selfish twerp. Sharing your toys makes you a good person, not, y'know, being raised well by us to be a decent unspoiled person. Whatever.

Like most things, there are extreme folks on either side of the spectrum. I've met both the "OMG BREEDERS AND THEIR FILTHY CHILDREN ARE DISGUSTING" ones and the "If you don't have babies you're a failure as a woman!!!!" ones, and they can all suck it. If you know you don't want children, good on you. There are many…

Sounds like you need to be part of my ladies book club, aka drunk mom's night with no actual books involved. Perfect answer.

Jennifer is probably one of those moms who makes up silly names for her kids genitals because it is so bad to say penis and vagina. When her kids are teens she'll call it a "flower pot" and her daughter will eye roll so hard and tell her "Jesus, MOM, can you please just say vagina?!"

Selfish gratification? Fuck that. I guess it was also selfish of me to occasionally eat brussel sprouts and insanely spicy things even though it gave LittleFuzz some gas, because why even risk his intestinal discomfort? I guess I am selfish for putting him in daycare and exposing him to lots of germs, just so I could…

The deathstare of doom is particularly effective if given while staring over the rim of the wine glass you are drinking out of. Nothing says GFY like the slow sip and unblinking, challenging stare.