Dear Salty Waitress,

Quite a scoop for them to get Donald Trump to submit the first question for this column.

I just really need a side of ranch promptly because there’s literally no point to eating anything without it.

Long time former server here who has to take exception to your last bit about servers openly checking phones or otherwise half-assing it. As a server your entire income relies on your commitment to your customers. There is ZERO excuse for personal fucking around that negatively impacts the patron experience. Having a…

Told you...you can’t fuck with white women. It’s against the rules

You again!

Women talking about shit that is not Todd’s pain, apparently.

Wait, I think I get it. Calling yourself trash is how men deal with the fact that they actually like patriarchy and misogyny because it benefits them. So they show shame and that covers up for the fact that they still want dominance. If you say “I’m trash” and do a little performative feminism, you can avoid changing…

First of all, I mention that she’s the second-largest employer in her area. Second of all, this.

It must be a bummer to have to think before you word vomit for the first time in your life.

Not a .gif, but it’ll do for now.

Oh! I forget that Twitter dosen’t like full words because of their ridiculously short character limit.

I was afraid to look for fear of becoming as Lot’s wife. Bey has not released photos of the royal ones so I am ashamed of myself. LOL LET ME GET OUT OF HERE 😂

My genuine reaction every time I’m confronted with the fact Melania is FLOTUS:

I think if I ever met Gal Gadot in person, I’d just burst into ugly-crying and embarrass myself right there in front’a God’n erry’body. They did such a wonderful job creating her character, and she did such a good job portraying it, and now it seems like she’s taking that role seriously and realizing how much good she…

Can we please include people who call 911 with vague assumptions as a serious fucking problem that needs to be addressed. We’ve all had that neighbor. The nosy asshole with nothing better to do than stare out the window all day with “solutions” looking for problems.

UK Update:

let’s call him “Ofclaire”

Thank you for addressing that creepy, predatory troll Sweet James Jones. I couldn’t believe people were actually attempting to GIVE him a list of guidelines for preying on women. Seriously, WTF?!? There were people in that thread trying to give him tips on how to successfully lull unsuspecting women into welcoming his…

Saying she’s gorgeous (she is) isn’t an issue, but following it up with “Am I allowed to say this anymore?” Is what makes it weird.