If the yolks aren't runny, may as well scramble 'em. But dippy eggs with buttered toast and Frank's hot sauce, preferably served over corned beef hash, well, that's just the best breakfast there is.

No. A pastrami sandwich with mustard is not a Reuben.

Maybe next February, Starbucks will make all of their drinks with chocolate milk. #racetogether

To be fair, it is still possible to get simple, mostly-coffee, no-sugar drinks at Starbucks, if you can find them on the menu. Their actual coffee is still shit, though.

Why do we keep being shocked when fashion designers are awful people?

"You wanna know how I got these scars?"

You should definitely do a "Food Service Injuries" feature.

I'd be amazed if more than 5% of all businesses were *fully* OSHA compliant.

Unfortunately, "soothing" and "treating" are separate concepts in this case.

Having to give back that Heisman must have stung a bit...

Anti-choice douchebags making "jokes" about being bombed is just...extraordinarily distasteful. It's on the way towards Germans making concentration camp jokes.

Wow, guy, if you think that's 11, you might be a corpse.

Well, since I wasn't replying to you, my reaction is indifference.

You wouldn't have had to "follow his career," a tangential awareness would be enough, that's how saturated his music is with references. I assume that you have specifically avoided any awareness, though, which begs the question: why are you here commenting on a post about Eminem's daughter? Do you feel sassy when you…

It's like being mildly surprised that Ween does drugs.

Like half of his career is songs about his daughter, her mother, and their fucked up relationship.

Your mom didn't make up that term, it's exceedingly common to experience a state somewhere between sleep and waking when taking opiates/opioids.

I have to admit, I somehow know nothing about this Insurgent phenomenon, and, at this point, I'm kind of convinced that "Insurgent star [any celebrity's name]" has just become an internet-wide inside joke. Or it's a genius new promotional strategy, paying blogs enough money to start every single post with "Insurgent st…

There's absolutely no chance this is not already a thing.

To be honest, this barely qualifies as a scandal for an Alabama politician (isn't it gross that our judges are politicians?). As long as you're bleating about "Christianity" and staunchly anti-gay, you basically have to bankrupt an entire county through shady business deals for your personal benefit before people…