If there is a person in the world even a little bit surprised that Mike Ditka is an advocate for beating children, feel free to say so here.

Sadly, Ditka failed to consult with God before trading 71 draft picks for Ricky Williams.

if AP would just once say he was wrong in beating a 5 year old, I feel like most Vikings fans would accept that. But he still insists he was ok in beating his kid, and thinks he’s a great dad. A lot of fans would be fine with him leaving. McKinnon is the future and looks pretty exciting. That being said I’m a…

That was embarrassing to watch. Mike Ditka is a garbage human being.

It’s a good thing Ditka’s father used corporal punishment. Otherwise that guy might have turned into some kind of asshole.

Mike Ditka followed this by explaining that his own father subjected him to abuse, and that the former Bears coach “thanks God every day that he did.”

I bet you're really fun at parties.

Fuck the fuck off. The guy lives along the PCH and is a national class athlete. Enjoy your joyless workday tomorrow.

Oh hell yeah, send us your blog bro, I’ll totally read it

But there’s no way Manziel can deliver a bomb.

This is actually sad. Like really pathetic.

This was his the best tweet ever.

Yeah Haren is everything Braden is not... literate, thoughtful, funny, successful beyond one particularly famous start

That’s a good Twitter handle.

Let’s be real about terrorism for a moment. The purpose of terrorism is to use violence to enact a political agenda that isn’t achievable by normal political means, usually by scaring people enough to get them to act like idiots. Are you scared? I’m not and I live in Oregon. I’ve actually BEEN to the Malheur…

The common thread in most of these stories is alcohol. And people wonder why I am a teetotaler.

Then it probably wasn’t real. There were at least 5 or 6 stories from movies that I saw regurgitated as an honest submission. Probably 4 or 5 more that I haven’t seen the show/movie for and wasn’t aware of.

No, the dating two girls one.

Odds are then that the submission was fake. The one with the STD?

“hey Mom and Dad, just wanted to let you know, I dumped Jessica (like, yesterday). this is Bridget, the new girl that I love now (as of, like, yesterday). merry christmas! get to know each other!”

*doorbell rings*