🎶 Technically I’m human🎶

A selection determined by a college of Cardinals, one assumes?

“Ronald McDonald is a RAGING anti-Semite and everybody loves him!”

And now we wait for the white smoke to rise from the pizza oven, indicating the selection of the new Papa John

Gotta give him credit though, he destroyed his legacy in under 30 minutes.

“Man, it had some teeth not that long ago.”

I think Melania just overdid it with the fillers. Plus, picking a double that actually looks like Melania wouldn’t be BoneSpur’s style. He’d pick a completely different looking (and much younger) woman and then declare that this was what Melania has always looked like and only someone who hates America and loves MS-13…

I need my own island away from you fucking people. All of you.

*guitar squeal*

Cleveland’s police union president, for reference

He looks like the platonic ideal of a police union spokesman 

And yet the vandals who shaved that groundhog and dressed him in a suit remain at large. Where’s that outrage, Deadspin? 

What if he were to appoint a woman with a hot wife?

I was offered a job here last summer. When I read the contract, I decided to ghost them (it basically said anyone can harass anyone, the justification being the sewer like comments users leave on their posts, but the protection blatantly extended to employees themselves harassing each other).

While also being a spewing asshole, a noxious prick, and a festering taint.

he doesn’t have control of his abductors, also known as your groin muscles.

And it’s not even Jeffrey. It’s *Jefferson.* As in Davis, whom I imagine he greatly admires. He can fuck right off. As can Laura “Seig Heil” Ingraham.

Needing to finesse your language so that you’re arguing semantics of whether you are or aren’t acting like the Nazis means that your policies are shit and that you’re a complete failure as a human being.

And yet...

I go one step further. I berate them, accuse them of diving, and issue a yellow card.