Haha oh Alan.

Ohio is also one of the most depressed states fiscally.

Dear John Stamos,
How are you so attractive? HOW?!?!?!

I don't really get calling Taylor Swift a whore. I don't mean this in an offensive way, but she seems pretty much...really really chaste? Young? Asexual? We all went through that phase as adolescents when we thought S-E-X mean spooning with Jack from Titanic in a field full of daffodils, but that's where I feel that…

The world doesn't need beauty pageants!
What the fuck with a beauty pageant?!

Zing of the day!

Gah! I adopted my cat Louise when she was 2 weeks old, and had to bottle feed/poop n' pee, etc., and sometimes I would just start suddenly crying...because of all the cute. I just couldn't take it!
I miss those days, but that first litter box excursion was a grand relief!

Listen...going down is really really important.
That is all.

Don't mess with Texas (women)!!

Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise!

I just got my first iphone. I've named him Neville Longbottom. That is all.

Is this real life?

I let Lucy Watson lick my eyeball when I was 14 because she was weird and had dreads and mumbled and she was the first girl I ever had a crush on. I wrote a poem about Lucy Watson! All the recollections.

Poor little thing...

According to what mine eyes spied one night at a lesbo-bar during SXSW, Miss Page is hella into girls.
But I've developed astigmatism since then, so I could be wrong?

When you shave, it only stays smooth smooth for about 24 hours, and then your pussy looks like a guy on a camping trip for the better part of a week!