When I was in high school, a guy on the football team that sat behind me in class earnestly gave me this advice to get girls. “Just whip it out,” he said. Even as an awkward 15-year-old with no luck or experience with girls, I recognized the absolutely insane nature of such a plan. I declined to heed the advice.

I'm 100% on Team Crazy Old Lady in this one.

I recently went to Philadelphia for the first time, and I got to see both the Phanatic and Gritty in person. It was truly inspirational.

This just proves to me that Mark Wahlberg has no concept of time. Or stares at walls blankly, which I imagine him doing a lot.

And my desire to watch ESPN is . . . GONE!

Looks like we finally got an answer to the question that has plagued our society for decades: what would happen if the guys from Jackass got really into lifting and also became boring?

Dave McKenna’s Stories might be my favorite thing on Deadspin these days.

In a world full of batshit insane politicians, there’s finally a batshit insane politician I can get behind!

The players don’t like him though because he calls everyhing meowt.

The Dollop is the greatest history podcast, and I will ignore all dissent.

This is top-notch (hypothetical) parenting.

Maybe I got lucky, but most of this rings false to me. I’m a very casual runner. Picked it up a year ago just to slow my descent into fatty territory, and don’t do it much by supplementing it with playing sports. I bought Brooks because they were basically the same price as the Nikes and had a better reputation (both…

Poor Mississippi. Can’t even discriminate against large swaths of people in peace anymore.

They’ve gotta remove him. Can’t let him spoil the whole bunch.

As both an Auburn alum and a liberal from Alabama, this night was one of the most joyous I’ve ever had, even beyond that amazing Iron Bowl upset. But I really love that video.

I’d pay real money to watch Trump fight an enforcer like Donald Brashear.

I’ll ungray this because it should be seen.

Never say your opinions on the internet, ocelots. You big, dumb idiot. 

That’s fair. Sorry that I was focusing on a different topic and couldn’t make it clear that my number one concern in all this is not having an idiot child molester gain political influence that affects the whole country. I want liberals in these positions as much as anyone that cares about the well-being of others,…

I know, no state is completely homogenous, but outsiders act like they are, whether it’s California or Alabama. It’s a shame what voters of this state are endorsing, and I’m mad about it. We get rightfully dragged for a lot of dumb shit. I just had to try to add that a lot of people here, and about 99% of everyone I…