Thirty years ago I worked on some software which eventually became a commonly-offered spelling and grammar check engine. Now, I mostly drink too much and rue my career choices.

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Jeez, we have to have subtitles every time there’s an Aussie cricket announcer or Sylvester Stallone.

What makes you think he had English teachers?

-(-1)

Dad?

Nah. Too many completions.

Thing is, the stuff actually works but cats seem to be clairvoyant about when the batteries are dead.

Also, RE: cat -> pine sap, for anyone who counsels prevention: Mrs. Pencil spotted a product called Sssscat, whereupon I spent $79 for three cans of air. Result:

My technique for getting pine sap off the cats (plural!) was to leave it there and let them meditate upon their poor judgement. A flawed technique, as you might have guessed. Advice was both timely and much appreciated.

You’re probably right, but... We went to meet the dogs out of general curiosity. I was worried about bringing sight hounds into a cat house, as you might say. Then each greyhound gave Mrs. Pencil a big smooch, and that was the end of my having any say in the matter whatsoever.

They’re both skeptical of the cat. So all I have to do is make sure that the cat keeps everyone in line. Should be a breeze.

We have, as of this week, two rescue greyhounds in the home. An understanding of their behavior is now dawning upon me...

+1

On the other hand, Boris Yeltsin never looked better.

An hour from now you get a tips email containing Donald Trump’s twitter credentials which, presumably, you may use until the password is changed or until the Secret Service kicks down the door. What do you do with the information?

An hour from now you get a tips email containing Donald Trump’s twitter credentials which, presumably, you may use until the password is changed or until the Secret Service kicks down the door. What do you do with the information?

Some guy named Miserable called to say I’d PROBABLY get out of the grays but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

I have a name for it.

We were invited to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving and I asked Mrs. Pencil what wine we should bring. Her response: “What color are their carpets?”