Stahp! This story gets more and more tragic by the minute- and I’m getting angrier and angrier. WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE NEED 10 GODDAMNED GUNS?

Sigh. The very simple reason it isn’t being picked up is because Bill Clinton has the SAME ties to Epstein, along with some of the same accusations.

HUZZAH

is it just me or did neither of those kids seem particularly happy to be at their own party?

There's no peanut butter chocolate variety? What the fuck are they thinking?

Good news! The parts of Alexander Hamilton’s life that involved radical Islam and FBI surveillance have been cut from the play as well.

Phrased confusingly. I’m assuming you mean MONTHLY should be 1/40th of your gross ANNUAL income. So if you make $50,000, your monthly shouldn’t be more than $1250.

Gwenyth lost me with “I’m incredibly close to the common woman” so I admit that anything to do with her overpriced Goop-ness is now incredibly funny to me. I can’t and won’t fault her parenting, but I can think she is ridiculous with her lifestyle bs. I dedicate my fried chicken/stovetop stuffing dinner, and bag of…

It just seemed like the whitest possible white guy name. Does your dad like mayo sandwiches, by any chance?

You didn’t let any feminist part of you down. In fact, the reason you’re feeling slightly bad about it is because of the patriarchy and that we assigned unnecessary gender roles to jobs.

So many. My non-pregnant friend just today got a pat on the tummy by a dude who asked her when she’s due. She’s a size 4.

First off, I’m relieved this lady will not suffer permanent damage. That’s a small blessing. I had a hard time wrapping my head around this: she had both super glue and eye drops in her purse? And her friend picked the wrong one? That seemed incredibly unlikely. But then there’s this:

What? But...no, I can’t even. Where’s my valium I’m going to bed and watch reruns of Dr Who and pretend there aren’t people like this in the world.