Hey, do you know how long it takes to get the spinach dip INTO the pumpernickel bread bowl? That kind of labor can only be handled by 3rd parties.

With all due respect to Gay Talese, if your name isn’t Gay Talese, you’re self-publishing your book these days.

Is Screech a food?

I would like to collect all the cards from Shkreli: The Drawn-and-Quartered collection. Collect all 14 and get $30,000 off your next triple bypass.

Is this the same Elon Musk who was publicly complaining last year that the market was unjustly pumping up TSLA stock? Well, problem solved, no?

I won’t ruin the perfectly apt 69 likes. So, +1.

Vin Scully’s “only mechanism for full implementation” is Viagra.

Vin Scully=Sumner Redstone after a spa day.

More like a bicycle built for 568....lbs.

All stylish ties and shirts, nice suits buttoned up, no belly’s flopping over straining 1998 Kenneth Cole reversible belts, all capped off with the prettiest physician this side of Dr. Christmas Jones. Nope, definitely not in ‘Merica anymore.

Change Orders are the lifeblood of any succesful contractor. COs are year round Christmas gifts for hairy guys with type-2 diabetes. Getting yourself fired because you couldn’t keep up with the coffer-filling Change Orders is like getting thrown out of Scores for throwing your bills too hard; hard to do and not very…

Relax. We’ve got it under control.

We’ve been wooing a company in Cleveland as a client for a few weeks and have been going overboard on “boy, this is going to be a great series. Boy, can’t wait for LeBron to get the title for Cleveland.”

Is that Bernie Sanders?

And when you replace an actual (albeit henpecked) coach with your little buddy, you take another weapon from your arsenal. The fact that Mr. Booster Seat claims to have been surprised by the Warriors’ speed and athletic ability speaks for itself.