Hmm...fuck the Cubs.

Or threaten a guy to death for catching a ball that was never going to be caught by the outfielder.

Speaking for every non-Cubs fan within earshot: No Cubs fan has ever been quiet about anything.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

“You can just throw them out of windows??”

It isn’t wise to inject anything that passed through Tampa, not without a full decontamination cycle.

The thing about crowning achievements is that some societies are so starved of leadership that they’ll bestow rule with the least forethought. Defeating a backwards rabble of pirates is hardly the foundation of government.

Thankfully, they’re used to winning divisions and still ending up disappointed...

This is why management is smart to engage in collusion, because they magically saw this coming. I am a smart person who loves the taste of boots.

NL East-leading Cardinals

I hate the fucking Cardinals, trying to win a division they aren’t even in. 

Pats Fans at 7AM: Those texts weren’t that threatening! It was hyperbole! What’s the big deal?

this is the NFL. He may take some time off but he’ll play again.

One possibility is that they saw it and they’re trying not to trigger their PTSD.

Oh dear, I have some bad news for you

Well NOW that’s how I feel

Has anyone ever wondered if this hideous, Twilight Zone-esque timeline of the past few years is really a comatose dream? That all of these bizarre events are really your subconscious trying to provoke your consciousness, even comatose, into recognizing that these events are unreal, implausible, and that you’re truly…

Gronk confidently telling a neuroscientist that CTE can be fixed is strong evidence that Gronk’s CTE has not, in fact, been fixed.

Disingenuous in that everything he said is accurate, but didn’t add a caveat that only Miami fans care about.