All deserving players, Mariano especially—dude’s a legend and a stand up guy.

Really, Aaron Hernandez was a disgrace to the organization for being so sloppy and getting caught.

Is this a long-term prank? Like, does Gruden have any sort of connection to the Raiders’ most hated rival?

I really wish Deadspin would tell me about what Jalen Ramsey thinks of this, though.

This state’s most notable product in the last few years is Mike Pence.

Agreed. Without him, they probably won’t win any playoff series, which will be a real change of pace.

I want to turn this play into a snortable powder and inhale it for eternity.

Fair point, and I always forget about that one.

Let’s see. These guys might nail some hookers and/or cover up rape at an institutional level, or maybe they have something new up their sleeves. And Liberty is a relatively small institution in a minor conference—the sort the NCAA likes to hammer to look tough while big schools get wrist-slapped.

History teacher here:

Personally, I think it’s a safe hire for the university.

I voted for Kyrgios, he hasn’t won anything else in a while

So, does the cutting and near-instant re-signing of Foster mean that Jed York has somehow outsmarted another human being?

Honestly, you could remove “Professional football in” from the modified sentence and it’d still be true.

That’s more of a Derek Jeter T-Shirt.

The 2 teams’ mascots are the Roadrunners (Nazareth) and the Wolverines (Simeon).

I’m gonna need an Illinoisan (Illinoiser? Illinoisburger?) to explain the whole Class 7A thing to me.

I get the need for high school divisions, especially in a state with a massive urban area and huge swathes of rural farmland—but 7 separate divisions?

Honest mistake, really.

Do...do you think Matt Barkley and Jimmy Clausen are the same person?

“And I’d ‘a got away with it if it wasn’t for the illegal gay Mexican vote bused in from California!”