He’s determined to deliver the offseason championship Oakland expects.

This is the type of nard-hitting journalism that we all expect from Deadspin. 

He’s a role model for every high school kid, surviving a cock block on the way to second base.

I assume this is Jones low key signaling his interest in signing Jason Pierre Paul. 

“I’m squeezing and waiting for help.”

Probably because she has a gift for languages especially French and italian. /S

No, no - she came in on an Einstein visa, remember?

She came to America hoping that her husband would teach her how to read an write.

Melanie is illiterate, how is that a news?

Moe always knew.

I legit laughed out loud. Those arm flailings had purpose!

Guys, what if Left Shark wasn’t just screwing up her Super Bowl performance?

be one of the creepiest dads I’ve seen in a while.

So what you’re saying is that Milan, MI is like the entire state of Florida.

I’m not sure which is funnier: the dumbshit who can’t figure out how to switch a car off, the muppets with the fire extinguishers, the pre-pubescant narrator with his squeaky voice, or the just general absurdity of the entire scenario. I mean yeah, the guy with the fire extinguisher should have maybe stuck around, but…

For service members it is great for them to drive the car in several conditions, including track conditions, to understand the feel, sounds, and experience. If a customer comes in with a complaint that the brakes make a funny noise under high speed stopping, they can already have a point of reference for how the…

They're never driven fast, just revved insanely loud at every stop light.

They don’t get speeding tickets. They get reckless driving tickets for plowing off the road backwards.

Too old to drive fast?