He’s determined to deliver the offseason championship Oakland expects.

This is the type of nard-hitting journalism that we all expect from Deadspin. 

He’s a role model for every high school kid, surviving a cock block on the way to second base.

I see Amazon FC and I’m thinking “is there a company footie team?”

I assume this is Jones low key signaling his interest in signing Jason Pierre Paul. 

“I’m squeezing and waiting for help.”

Probably because she has a gift for languages especially French and italian. /S

No, no - she came in on an Einstein visa, remember?

She came to America hoping that her husband would teach her how to read an write.

Melanie is illiterate, how is that a news?

Moe always knew.

I legit laughed out loud. Those arm flailings had purpose!

Guys, what if Left Shark wasn’t just screwing up her Super Bowl performance?

And Facebook and Twitter aren’t even left of center. They lean much more right. Someone can use N word all day long and both will say “doesn’t violate our terms” when reported. God forbid you call someone white trash or wyt and you get suspended.

Team Mitch just got unsuspended when the GOP threatened to pull ad money…

The term is hypocrite. And yes, the Republican party is practically a collection of textbook hypocrites.

There’s a Tweet for every occasion. Remember when Obama issued too many executive orders?

For service members it is great for them to drive the car in several conditions, including track conditions, to understand the feel, sounds, and experience. If a customer comes in with a complaint that the brakes make a funny noise under high speed stopping, they can already have a point of reference for how the…

They're never driven fast, just revved insanely loud at every stop light.

They don’t get speeding tickets. They get reckless driving tickets for plowing off the road backwards.

Too old to drive fast?