Computers can totally handle the ball and strike calls, but it’s their AI’s inability to manufacture sufficiently batshit insane petty grudges that’s holding back the robot umpiring revolution.

I too was able to stroke Dongs when I had an arm injury, but only because it wasn’t my dominant arm.

My proposal: one set, but with one of these giant novelty balls:

He’s champing at the bit to get another chance.

Man, John’s gotta have a long face watching another one of his draft picks bust.

Yeah, but look at the amazing impact that Saban is having on the lives of all these young men... by exploiting their uncompensated labor to rake in an ungodly sum of money.

Man, White Chocolate looks like shit.

“EST-CE QUE VOUS SOULEVEZ MEME, BRO?”

you were bullied by jocks, werent you?

To be fair, there ARE very fine purchasers of athletic footwear on both sides, both sides.

MJ might be the greatest of all time, but Jesus CHRIST he is such a pussy. 

The policy is “No weapons.” The “...unless you’re a paranoid, trigger-tempered adolescent,” part is implied. In the greater Gainesville metropolitan area, it’s colloquially referred to as “The Hernandez Codicil.”

It’s always nice to see a new coach who acknowledges his program’s traditions. 

Sir, you gotta let him go. Sir...

“So... I saw your dad and Bridget took you to the ballgame this weekend...”

He’s still not over Goose.

Teen: Is there anything more embarrassing than being seen at a Padres game with your mom and dad?

+1 for... something..