I thought it was hilarious. Not because I’m a Pats fan or because I get off on OLD SCHOOL FOOTBAW bullshit, but just because all anybody could talk about all year was how the Rams and Chiefs were REVOLUTIONIZING football, as if no one had ever thought of SCORING A LOT OF POINTS before. The highest scoring offense in…

I watched the 1st half of the game at a bar (surprisingly served me without my ID)...

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

In the good old days we’d just force kids to eat shit they didn’t like. Not woke, but keeps them alive and healthy.

Every once in a while, there’ll be a college team that looks invincible (Alabama football, Duke basketball, etc.), and the pundits like to say, “hey, I bet this college team could beat a shitty pro team!”

Hope his okay now. My aunt lost the tip of her pinkie in a horrific stamping accident. She will never sip tea the same way again.

This is precisely why Eisenhower warned us about the Notary-Industrial Complex. 

Unfortunately, we lost him in a series of mergers in 2012. Great man tho. 

A lot of people can’t handle witnessing the truth. 

Thank him for his service.

Very true. My uncle was a notary public. That career is no joke.

In my opinion, we can never express our thanks loudly or often enough for the heroic actions of all the notaries who have sacrificed everything for this country. 

notaries are fucking hardcore, mate

I mean, I’m sure they *like* notaries. They fill an important role during the signing of contracts and the like. But I think that liking falls a like short of “hard on.”

In related news, the next version of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary is expected to require a Parental Advisory label.

Malort is bad. Otherwise you are correct.

“He has developed a brand that is marketable and he needs to protect that brand.”

Last season I found myself hanging out in an airport bar, and the guy next to me started chatting. A Steelers game was on, and he asked me if I knew who Big Ben was. I said “sure, you mean the bathroom rapist?”

That tastes like an old German!

If you rub it on a piece of paper and it turns clear, go for it.  It’s your window to weight gain!