I vacation in a small mountain town in Appalachia that is now busy with Latin laborers. It makes the local people fucking crazy. They’ll send Aunt Bessie off to the graveyard by voting for a guy who doesn’t give a shit about their well-being long as gets rid of them damn Mexicans. This is their ignorant logic.

ISIS would take responsibility for a ham sandwich.

“I’m, ah...not endorsing the Holocaust, but it did give us this amazing memorial...Not as good as Trump would make, but it’ll sell like crazy. Maybe...look, I’m just going to tell you...maybe my friend Stephen is right and the Nazis weren’t evil losers. Did they engage in some locker room talk? [shrugs] I mean, I’m…

On behalf of all progressive Texans who have working brain cells and can see right through all this bullshit, I apologize for the existence and office-holding of Gregg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Jon Cornyn, Ted Cruz, and all those other assholes. Texas has some solid pockets of tolerant, hippie libtards like me (Austin,…

To quote the late Terry Pratchett:

I like Pop a lot, but he never said shit when his guys were doing it to other teams. He wields absolute authority. Nothing happens in San Antonio without his approval, and Bowen ran wild on ankles for years. He needed to shut up on this particular take, and he probably knows it.

I live in DC, and like most people here I have a whole lotta feelings about this administration (none of them good). I had dinner with some of my Mom’s friends as they swung through town the other night (they’re in their 80's) and their cousins (probably 55ish) when the question was asked, “So, are people here going…

It’s because they don’t really care. They’re just happy he’s actively placating the shitty ideas they’ve been itching to enact while the country was being run by a relatively rational adult.

“Most people thought a dog could do a good job installing wall-to-wall carpet in a 900-sq ft apartment, but it’s just occurred to me — before it occurred to any other person anywhere! — that maybe a starfish could do it better. Food for thought.”

I mean, we are talking about a guy whose command of English basically only includes his own surname and the phrase “You’re fired,” here.

We lose out in either scenario but it certainly says something about the world we currently live in where someone like Mike Pence is actually an appealing choice over a megalomaniacal dipshit.

Having lived in Indiana for the first couple years of Pence’s term I will say that he’s a piece of shit but he’s sane so still better than Trump. Sad.

No tolerance for dirty players.

In total fairness, I’m pretty sure every woman in his life has told him, repeatedly, that leaving them the f#*k alone going golfing was, in fact, the best thing he could possibly do for them on Mother’s Day.

I need very little excuse to use this...

Does the suicide trick work for library fines, too?

Exactly. “I’m getting my signing pen warmed up.”....fuck off, you fascist asshole.

His mistake was thinking that #45 cares about anyone who isn’t white and doesn’t make over a million a year.

For folks questioning “How the heck does this work?”

Saheeli Rai and Kitty are on the battlefield at the same time