Truly. Jenny needs to take responsibility for bad comedy. Why isn't she dating Dane Cook?

I was dating this guy, and I was attracted to him on an intellectual level because he was so creative, but the physical attraction wasn't very high. He was kind of an awkward lover - if we switched from me on top to him on top, instead of rolling over, he'd stand up on the bed while I laid down. And not only would he…

I think I just felt myself becoming a woman.

here's my sex spreadsheet

You don't actually care about what she 'deserves' if the only outcome you really wanted was to see this matter go to court and her end up in jail. Justice isn't a synonym for "what satisfies my revenge boner".

NO, CHARLIZE! DON'T DO IT!

The store owner is the one who should be arrested. That dress is a far more grievous crime than mere thievery.

I like Patton Oswalt's take on Atheism and Religion:

Since you make so much fucking money, you should be treating us all to lunch at Olive Garden. Put up or shut up.

Yeah, but how many mozzarella sticks did you eat?

so far it is not getting old

clearly this Michagonian is not down withs the Erin Gloria Ryan doctrine :

Huh. I'm 35 and as long as I get at least 6-7 hours sleep, I can put away a bottle of wine without feeling it the next day. I wonder: is this because I drink too much & have developed a tolerance, or is this WHY I drink too much?
hmmmmm.
Chicken / egg. Bottom's up!

RIGHT?!?!?!?!? Stick them all in a replica of Barbie's Dream House and watch them Barbie it up. They would be infinity billion times more interesting than the stupid Kardashians.

Please make a reality show and put all of them live with each other.

Yes, we can at least thank Oxygen for bringing us Tanisha Thomas.

The only reason I know this network even exists is because of "Snapped". I freaking fracking love that show.

sex talk with Sue JoHANson. Come on, the woman is a Canadian legend.

I used to think that Oxygen was the trashy version of Lifetime (because of The Bad Girls Club) when it comes to networks that cater to women, but eventually I came to my senses and accepted the fact that they both produce shit.

Yeah, except now they're teaching you that you better really enjoy the four-or-so years you spend hitting the books, 'cause afterwards you're going to be right back at that shitty job. Minus 4 years of incremental raises and a promotion to night shift manager.