Basing one’s thoughts on racial appropriateness on the behaviors of a group of people who were alive back when lynchings were a fun family event isn’t a particularly good idea. But somehow I think you know this already, you disingenuous little scamp.

I know exactly how this guy feels. Yesterday I farted in the car without warning my wife and daughter, they deff got the worst of it.

I’d say he looks like a Zombie, but then again, I’m pretty sure Zombies (the band or actual zombies) don’t want to be associated with him.

Actually, I think his flight was already planned. I’ll roast this clown all day, but that’s one thing that I’ll say in his defense: if he’d still been in the country, he’d still be lying.

Hey, when Bieber peed in a bucket, at least he didn’t pretend a U.S. waiter posing as a police officer made him do it at gunpoint.

Is there a category in the Peabodys for “Follow up blog post”. Because if so, you totally deserve it.

Fucking brilliant! This might be the best thing ever posted on Jez. I’m laughing so hard in public right now. Erin, you are a treasure. <3

This is so good I’m crying.

And these swimmers are Olympians with great bodies, I would think it would be super easy to find a willing partner.

Most definitely...the Olympic Village is a fuckfest orgy bukkake expo...but stupid people do stupid things, and it’s pretty widely known that Lochte is a stupid person

Seriously??? No story about one of the swimmers drunkenly paying with his credit card in a brothel leading to this supernova of failure by Lochte to cover it up?

God I hope so.

I’ve seen a lot of great illustrations here - the Ashley Madison series immediately comes to mind - but this shit right here...this is Hall of Fame shit. Fucking hilarious and genius.

There's clearly a pair of weeping testicles in that piece of his "art".

Absoutely Leto Joker.

bless you for this fanatistic follow up to the Greatest Article of All Time, erin

The greatest trick the devil ever played is convincing the world he probably ate a lot of paste.

Amazing that he took the time to re-blue his hair for this trip. Perhaps there was a nefarious threat to US national security in that gas station and he is actually a CIA operative.

Is that mushroom wearing an IUD?

Also, Jesus tapdancing Christ, that’s the most perfect Ryan Lochtweet that could ever exist. I’m going to start inserting “Haha #jeah” into all my twitter conversations (get ready, Twinja!)