Big Polish minority living in the UK = big vote for Poland. Like most of the eurovision votes it probably was as simple as that and nothing to do with the song or the performance.

Red Bull & Vodka always did the trick for me.

The cake story reminds me of this: there were four sweets-starved kids in our family, so keeping a cake around to cool for dessert later was wearing on my mother's patience. Apparently she must have told us that hot cake makes you very, very sick. I didn't remember this until one day when we were in our twenties and…

My father told the most awful stupid pointless lies that my paranoid self believed.

I had an English teacher in high school like this. For example, she confidently told us there were no verbs that end in "r." When I responded with a list of the first four or five that popped into my head she sent me to the office. She brought my parents in for a conference and told them I was illiterate.…

Are you saying you wouldn't bang Data? He's fully functional and he likes cats.

Anna Hughes is reported to have said:

Launch codes? Is that an erection metaphor?

Right? It's all in the cloud or...the mainframe. I've seen enough movies like Hackers and the Net to know better.

Oh, I thought of another one!

Reminds me of the religion teacher who laughed hysterically and said "What?! Kaboom!" when I used the term "nuclear family" instead of her version, "nucleus family." Nuclear is the adjective form of nucleus and adjectives modify nouns, you harpy.

Can't tell if this is some kind of humblebrag or ignorance.

I could be wrong, stats was never my strong suit, but based on standard deviation, isn't 8 inches bigger than 90-95% of all dicks?

Legit 8 inches is pretty large. You watch too much porn.

In 6th grade my Social Studies teacher told me that Russia was a communist country (this was in 1997). I corrected her; she told me I was wrong.

Why do stories like this always end up becoming a parenting skills judging session? Can people just back the fuck off and realize that every parent makes mistakes? Some of them are easily remedied - like the time I thought my kid wasn't that sick, took her out anyway, and got barfed on. Some of them aren't - like when…

That's why I make my babies sleep upright, strapped to the dining room chairs. Only married people can lie down in my home.

She's not wrong. When are we gonna talk about the forced sexualization of black female bodies? There was nothing sexual about that photo, and projecting sex onto it is concerning.

You spelled bekaaby wromg

If a man having his shirt off is automatically sexual, then my father is the most sexual man alive.