You understand that the propensity to get stretch marks is genetic, right? There's not a lotion or a cream on this planet that will keep you from getting them if you're going to get them. So, stop this holier-than-thou attitude and give your less genetically blessed sisters a break. Sheez.

Well, she could eat a banana smoothie. Jeez. You people.

On top of the inevitable and endless delays is the sense of embarrassment and shame that comes from being stuck on the disgustingly dirty platforms and trains. Paint peeling from the rafters, stalactites and stalagmites of godknowswhat forming on the ceilings and floors, rats running around on the tracks (and as seen…

Would bang.

Maybe it's the silly headband that's pissing her off. It sure as hell would piss me off.

The baby on the left is freaking me out with her full set of adult teeth. That's either some photoshopping or some of the baby pageant fake teeth, right? Right?!

Sounds like:

What was up against "Shakespeare in Love"? I can't remember. My brain hurts.

Really? I wouldn't ever have known. Thanks.

Sorry, Madeleine. While the wee in the face is certainly a metaphor, it is also most certainly literal.

Someone better get Bieber to the hospital, STAT. It's obvious from that picture he's deep within the throes of liver failure. Or, I guess, he could just have John Boehner-itis.

Good ol Tony Blair. Putting the "special" in special relationship.

Silly Brit. There is no such thing as privacy here. Even the government has admitted to snooping on citizens' phone, emails, and other communications. See the PATRIOT Act.

I was with you until you said D.C. Now I have the dry heaves.

You know that thing is a hoax, right? There's no such thing as "detoxing," especially with a sugar-based juice, which actually hinders the real detoxing agent in your body ... the liver. If you want to starve yourself, fine, but don't call it a cleanse.

Terrence Howard, is that you?

The especially disgusting bit on this giant turd tree is that the victim was DATING one of these guys. The guy who seemed to have filmed it. What kind of sick puppy says here, rape my girlfriend while I tape it. Not that it would be much less horrendous if she'd had no relationship with any of them. But you'd think at…

I was overjoyed to see this sign on my train the other day. Woohoo! I mean, who knows if it will actually have any affect, but at least someone heard us.

I suspect that, like most things with the NYPD, at the bottom of this issue is the fact that Chirlane McCray is black.

Let me know who's for smaller government when a motherfucking snake climbs out of your toilet. No one, that's who.