10. Patriots fans who watch this team lose the away game at Miami because apparently the players melt like butter in the heat.

So you and There Are No Teams have been Joshing me all along? TOO MANY GORDONS - to channel Magary’s capslock fetish.

Ah, Melvin! Bill and Ted’s Excellent Wedgie.

I’m still confused. What year did he only play in 5 games? Perhaps I’m reading it wrong.

Well, I thought you did, but I’m too lazy to scroll up to confirm/not, so I’ll just fire my editor. That’s enough work for Labor Day.

+1

Next, you’ll be figuring out A-Rod.

Thanks for the reply and the star. I wrote: “Wikipedia shows him playing in at least 12 seasons every year,” LOL. That should be “... games every year.” I apparently use the same editors the Deadspin writers do.

You’re not keeping it simple enough!

+ SQRT (10);

“Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ Badgers”

You’re right. Wikipedia shows him playing in at least 12 seasons every year:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melvin_Gordon#NFL_career_statistics

On May 15, 2015, the Chargers signed Gordon to a four-year, fully guaranteed contract for $10.66 million, with a $6 million signing bonus. The contract included a fifth-year…

Are you sure? Wikipedia shows him playing in at least 12 seasons every year:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melvin_Gordon#NFL_career_statistics

QUICKLY!

Too bad Drew no longer does Funbag poop stories.

LOL, exactly. For some reason I managed to read it originally with the right ‘can.’ Then your comment made me think “Oh, that’s really bad.”

You just reminded me of my most embarrassing experience. “Ever chucked a ball over the backstop on a throw from second to first?” No, but I’ve PITCHED a softball over the backstop.

I begged our gym teacher to let me pitch during gym class softball. He was skeptical, but I had practiced and practiced at home. I KNEW I…

Ha. Which Evil Demon in the Universe plays that card? Cacophony-Dead Silence-Cacophony, right when we, mere inoffensive humans, yell into the Dead Silence. Or even whisper just when said whisper will carry to every corner of the damn room?

That’s one of the more Metsiest stories I’ve read here.

“All your glove are belong to us”