+1

Ah, yes, good old right-center ... I was always happy when we played softball in gym class: the least stressful class for this skinny kid down in the lowest 5% of teenage athleticism. So one game I’m in right field (of course); specifically short right center.

A bouncing grounder gets past the first baseman, but I’m ON…

“I don’t know about picking him...”

“Give me an F! Give me a U! Give me ... ... What’s that spell? What’s that spell? What’s that spell?”

I don’t remember which sport after all this time, but the same see-through underpants thing happened to a girl I knew. I’m guessing it was even more embarrassing for her than for you.

And yet oddly enough the drunkest I ever got without having even the slightest hangover the next morning was sitting half the night at a bar polishing off Coors and Ouzo boilermakers. I still can’t explain it, I should have been laid out the whole next day.

You could almost call it a “Butt Fumble”

Terrible paragraph with its two sentences and five commas, but if you read it slowly enough from the beginning this segment actually grammatically fits. But yeah, it is a hard read.

Half the Deadspin readership’s first thought, I bet.

Comment while you still can, for I’ve just applied to TM “clowncone”

MmYy KkEeBbOoAaRrDd IiSs HhAa VvIiNnGg TtHhEe SsAaMmEe PpRrOoBbLlEeMm>.

Well, those guys need to step up their game and be more like Ezekiel Elliott and get in a pissing match with the owner, not mere HCs.

I’m choosing Barkevious Mingo first on my fantasy team, because how can you not want a Barkevious Mingo on your team? BARKEVIOUS!

Don’t care about my fantasy team? I don’t actually have one so don’t @ me because I don’t care about my fantasy team either.

Yeah, I did not remember that, but found it out again while searching the other question. So Benjamin Harrison was surrounded by two Clevelands ...

But much more descriptive is Clinton surrounded by two Bush.

Yeah, if skinny me managed to get a first down on a trick play or something, the other team would be so pissed that I’d suffocate to death under 11 opposing players.

Have you just described Jacksonville’s offensive strategy for this upcoming season?

Cornerbacks are little guys. I’d knock him on his ass and cross the first down line no problem.

No, no, not disagreeing with you at all. Malcolm was screwed by the NFL rookie crap, the Pats were just being typically ruthless. But Butler was my favorite NE player since Troy Brown, and he was screwed morally even if all the legal Ts & Is were crossed and dotted. My Patriots (and NFL) fandom had been in decline for…

Let them sacrifice a pizza, then I’ll be impressed.

I always wanted to give Shaq this same advice about his free throws. Well, minus the backflip follow through.