In my deep past I dated a woman who had made a little cozy for the tube of lubricant. She lived alone—no roomie to open the nightstand drawer—when I knew her.

This incident reminds me of this tacky Chippendales video. Beware the Eightiesness:

It's been nearly 4 years since my best friend got married. Not only was I her MOH, but my kid was also in the wedding. She had a pretty massive wedding (300 people) and a small budget so she needed a lot of help planning. Like, a lot. A year of my life was devoted to invitations, flower arrangements, song choices,…

Don't forget Save Ferris. Monique, ska goddess, I MISS YOU SO.

This isn't my story, because I'm a pussy and don't know how to get revenge. My brother, on the other hand...

I had been engaged to the quintessential Buppie and it ended, not with a bang but a whimper. It wasn't three months later, I heard he was engaged to some thick thighed heifer he met at a Corvette convention. I has been waiting to hear from law school and got accepted after the break up. He didn't know. About a…

I was in AP Physics C, the calculus-based class, when I was a senior. I was awesome at physics. In our class we'd often present problems from the homework. Our teacher would go around the room and check our work, then assign students to write their work on a portable white board. The problem would then be presented to…

I knew pretty early in my young adulthood that I didn't want kids. Everyone told me I would change my mind when I got older. I'm 30 now and my mind is still pretty anti-children. Everyone still keeps telling me I'll change my mind when I "find the right man". I don't think so.

Caffeine beat weed??? Seriously??? You guys chose having an uncontrollable urge to poop in the middle of the day and the jitters (this might be just me), over a sweet mellow high? No cup of coffee can beat the feeling of a few good hits off of whatever you use to light it up, some good music, maybe a burrito or a…

This is stupid as fuck. Everyone knows you shouldn't break the seal any earlier than you absolutely have to.

YOU SPEAK TRUTH.

YES!

First thing I thought of.

THIS COMMENT WINS.