If I were a Secret Service agent, I would be hard pressed to pass up the opportunity to just be like, “DOWN, DOWN” the next time he was on camera, just so we could watch him, like, try to hide behind a group of small children and start begging the nonexistent shooter to take Ivanka instead.

Can’t wait for next year, when the Jags finally move on with...Jake...Jortles.

He broke the story about the duck dynasty guys being the worst, if I recall...he’s about as close as it gets these days.

What’s fun about the word “objective” is that it doesn’t mean “totally evenhanded” when one side is fucking psychotic and the other is a little more annoying than you’d like.

I swear to god this dude’s fantasies about shooting school shooters (and then the teacher would be all pew pew pew and the bad guy would be all pew pew pew and then the teacher would do like a really cool flip and then kick the gun out of the guy’s hands and then the teacher would shoot the bad guy) exceed even the…

I grew up HATING Chipper Jones. Like, irrationally. My brother and I made up a song about how much we hated Chipper Jones. We found so many rhymes for “Chipper.” So I say this with all the integrity I can muster: Chipper Jones...is not wrong.

Look, I’m willing to grant her agency as an adult in all of this, but still. There is an unresolvable power differential between the most powerful person ON EARTH and an intern less than half his age. There just is. Also? He’s the one who lied about it - if he hadn’t, he might have taken a PR hit, but he wouldn’t have…

Monica Lewinsky’s story is complicated and nothing about it is easy to parse, but I will say this: she is one HELL of a writer. Goddamn.

Tim Tebow is gonna be like 45, playing some kind of minor league golf (is that a thing? If it’s not they’ll invent it for him), having washed out of soccer and, like, bobsledding, and some other sports we’ve never heard of, and every news outlet will be like, aspiring golfer Tim Tebow tripped over a sand trap rake…

Conservatives: These liberals are so ENTITLED. They act like they should have all these safe spaces and really they should learn to DEAL WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE SOMETIMES. TIME TO PUT NAZIS ON ALL CAMPUSES. A RICHARD SPENCER IN EVERY DORM ROOM.

One more person who hated gay people and made my life harder is dead.

He’s like 5 years younger than she is. If a male star said this, everyone would be like “eh she’s too old for him.”

Oh oh call me a “cuck” next, and I’ll have cliche bingo!

I dunno, guys. I mean, he’s 70, he tried and failed to be president, his whole political career is because of nepotism, he’s kind of awkward and overmanaged, and everybody kind of got sick of him last time...wouldn’t he be happier if he stayed home and knit some stuff for his grandkids?

Coward.

Now, see, HERE are the facile arguments I’ve been waiting for!

So, if we can’t determine and resolve the root cause of crime, any attempt to mitigate or lessen it is just a band-aid and not worth the effort?

“I was cherry picking statistics that aren’t actually relevant to this discussion and hoping you wouldn’t look them up because for some reason I have a vested interest in arguing against laws that might prevent the mass murder of children in school.”

The definition of “mass shooting” is a bit murky, but the Congressional Research Service defines a public mass shooting as one in which four or more people selected indiscriminately, not including the perpetrator, are killed. Another common definition is an event in which 5 or more people are shot (not necessarily…

I can’t stomach asking a child for permission to use a video while an event is going on. That is inhuman and grotesque.