THE ORB WILL NOT BE DEFIED.

Talentless dumbass with family connections is out of money and would like to have a job please now, film at 11

This is a good excuse to tell my favorite sea lion story. I was out surfing with a couple of my friends and there was a sea lion hanging out and cruising through the lineup (not uncommon and generally thought of as a good thing - if there’s a seal or sea lion just hanging around, that means there aren’t sharks).…

Pretty sure if @darth didn’t exist I would have lost my mind by now.

The great thing about this one is it brings Pence, as head of the transition, down too - it’s getting tougher and tougher for him to deny he knew about Flynn before his whole “shocked and surprised” routine right when Flynn got fired.

He’s going to plead the fifth over and over again on the floor of the Senate and it is going to be GLORIOUS.

Guys Kellyanne is right. Why don’t we talk the people in the White House who *AREN’T* the subject of an active FBI investigation?

Lacked dudes “well, actually” explaining the plight of women to them, otherwise well done.

Ugh, fuck. As someone who’s struggled with depression and anxiety, I could not hate this show more. It’s every teenage fantasy of suicide: after I’m gone, everyone will realize how mean they were to me, I get to litigate every grievance, big and small (seriously one of her “reasons” was that her friend started dating…

Why, when turning yourself in, would you wear a cartoon prison outfit?

My brother and his idiot friends once got kicked out of a ballpark (not Fenway), left, changed clothes, bought new tickets, and went in an entrance on the other side of the stadium. Security met them at the door. If they want to keep you out, they can keep you out. Guessing Fenway has the guy’s license plate and…

I am glad Billy is going to be ok and more glad that Jimmy made the point that no family should ever have to worry about this.

I remember on the campaign trail, he used to tell a whole story about what he would have done on the Iran deal. It was basically: “I’d demand the prisoners back first and tell them we couldn’t discuss ‘the 150 million’ (a gross misunderstanding of the money involved but whatever) until we had them back. Then I’d tell…

Every time I’ve read a transcript of an interview with him and then listened to the same interview, the transcript is MILES more coherent than the audio version.

Wait, you logged onto the internet this morning with the express purpose of finding a group of people you disagreed with and asking THEM if it’s exhausting to be outraged?

She canceled the appearance because her sponsors pulled out, because Ann Coulter doesn’t believe any of the hateful shit she spews, she just likes to get paid. And if a few college kids get hurt by neo-Nazis who show up to riot and protest? Not her problem.

The Art Of The Deal, Vol. II:

He doesn’t know how to embed photos in tweets. There is a 0% chance he sent that one.

Ugh, yuck.

Oh god if you think this is bad don’t look at what Chris Cillizza from CNN has been saying lately.