LORD OF THE LESBIANS

I’m mostly just amused at how angry she is that the rest of the world doesn’t realize it’s DIFFERENT when she has sex outside of marriage. Yes, she’s spent a lot of time, and earned a lot of money, telling other women it’s a horrible sin and they’re going to hell if they ever do it, but it’s just not FAIR that other…

Here you go:

To save somebody else the click: Apparently “secret wife” means he was married at 19 and divorced at 21 and doesn’t have this information, like, branded on his forehead for all to see.

Stop explaining yourself, Bristol. We don’t care that you’re having another baby out of wedlock! Honest! You do you. I was more concerned with the fact that the birth announcement literally made it sound like you just found out you have terminal cancer.

The plan was to get knocked up before being married? Even though she will likely be fertile for another ten, fifteen years? Despite all of the “saving sex for marriage” talk?

Don’t go for the artisan model unless you are not going to make anything but cookies and cake. Its motor is very weak, if you use it for pasta dough or something more tough, it will burn.

Don’t go for the artisan model unless you are not going to make anything but cookies and cake. Its motor is very…

Nothing says, “You’re wrong, I didn’t abandon you, I’ve never given up on you, I care about you” like “You’re not one of my own, you’re dead to me.” Yup, way to prove your point there, Bill.

I really hate this GIF and all the nightmares I’m having that may or may not involve a giant, crying, baby thing.

My dad’s been like “well YOU didn’t call either”. What the everloving fuck. You’re the parent and you went away.

Is there a playbook they hand out when a parent bails on their kids? Because my dad said this same stupid bullshit. Well except when he told me my mom used to read me “Cinderella” every night for the six weeks prior to his second wedding. Which was just...dude, I was THERE. It never happened, Crazy McDumbshit. Wtf?

I’m basing my support for them on the fact that he says they could have called him. Therein lies the hallmark of every narcissist father. If you’re the parent, you’re the one who picks up the phone, you’re the one who visits, you’re the one who is there.

But it’s their name. Nothing wrong with changing it, but they’re his children not his ex-wife. The name is just as much theirs as his.

yea, but, Kurt Russell was in Big Trouble in Little China.

Here’s the thing about being the child of a parent who abandons you, and then subsequently the child of a loving stepparent: IT’S NOT THE KID’S FAULT THAT YOU LEFT AND SOMEONE ELSE WANTED TO LOVE THEM. My own mother is super bitter about the acknowledgment my stepmother gets on Mother’s Day, but you know what? If you…

Oh noes! Disowned by an insignificant, useless windbag.

Are you comfortable with who you are when you look in the mirror?

We just had a lockdown situation at my work where a man threatened me and my coworkers, then returned after initially being coerced to leave, forcing law enforcement involvement. It was harrowing. If I found out it was a prank, I’d be fucking livid. And I wasn’t falling out of the sky!

While I have no deep love for Paris Hilton, I spend 50% of my time meditating when I’m on a plane (the other 50% drinking white wine) and as such do not think this prank is funny at all. It’s cruel and shitty and unfathomable.

I enjoy flying, I don’t like Paris Hilton and I hate litigious societies. But seriously, she has to sue over this.