This hairdresser has Bart Simpson yellow hair. YELLOW PEOPLE. Not exactly someone I'd be turning to to help me get laid.

And if you take good care of them, those suckers last. I'm still wearing the first ones I bought two and a half years ago.

Fuck that noise. My hanky pankiesnfeel like nothing and my vaj is sweeeeet like honey.

Oh no, c'mon Clinique. I used to like your moisturizer.

Ugh, pregnancy nearly killed me physically, mentally and spiritually. I think my bod has bounced back...the last thing I want is more pregnancy-related pain to look forward to.

Oh, you're telling me! It was so gross. And completely infuriating.

She forgot "Is this person already or still married?" Cuz I have a friend that is "engaged" to a guy who is married (and hasn't told wife #1). Facepalm.

I had a boyfriend who would grab my face and lick off my makeup, despite my protestations. Needless to say, dude is history.

Totally seconding Lisa Eldridge. She is a Jedi master.

I'm sorry to hear that. Invest in one of those table top mirrors and a strong, white light lamp and set up on your table or desk.

I'm sorry to hear that. Invest in one of those table top mirrors and a strong, white light lamp and set up on your table or desk.

Ideally, at a vanity table. But any table with a good mirror and good, white lighting will do. I have a vanity and use one of those "mood-enhancing" white light lamps.

Terrible makeup is usually the result of poor skill + poor lighting. It amazes me the number of women who put their makeup on in the bathroom/a moving car/a tiny, poorly lit mirror. You need to SEE what you're doing people!

I am so sure thousands share your experience.

This is me in another thirty years.

Perfection! Mwah!

Shouldn't this headline read "The Government Shutdown is Endangering Americans?"

Okay, maybe my husband's jizz tastes like coconut water?

Sure, if you want to drink something that tastes like watery gizz.

LOVE.