Two Brazilian cyclists died? That’s horrible. How many is a Brazilian anyway?

Someone once tried to congratulate me for my wife’s pregnancy. The look on his face when I said, “What are you congratulating me for, all I did was cum in her.” was priceless.

you know what else I have never done? babysat my own kid.

My parents meeting opening line was "No one on this team will play Major League Baseball. No one on this team will get an athletic scholarship. No one on this team will brag about anything that they did on this team when they are in college. This is a bunch of kids playing a game. Your job is to not ruin it for them.…

Because their notion of “right” is mechanical, not moral.

It has nothing to do with the interference call. Look at that girl’s reaction. I know a sidepiece when I see one.

I’d posit that the definition of “right” with the Spurs is based on the actual merits of basketball success - ball movement, spacing, unselfishness, etc. whereas the Cards definition is based more in moral piousness.

Can I say how much I like Collex? The nerds and their lazy conclusions don’t really know how to respond.

Maybe this.

Ricky Rubio is a capable point guard. He’ll never be great unless he radically improves his shooting, but he’s definitely one of the 15 or 20 best PGs in the league. I’m not saying they shouldn’t eventually look for somebody else, but I think it’s unfair to say he’s not capable. They have been significantly better…

The absence of KAT on your list is disheartening

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ASKING DREW FOR CLEANING ADVICE I AM RIGHT HERE

Bartolo Colon once cracked a rib while working on a mound, but it was strictly to get at the marrow.

I could’ve told you this months ago. Me and my 15 year old friends only use Snap Chat to talk.

Way to go, Tyler. A white male in this country finally gets a break due to his family connections rather than talent or experience, and he goes out and fucks it up almost immediately. This is why we never get anywhere.

What did they expect when they hired a kid named McLovin

Bothan Commander: Alright, we’ve got the plans, but this is a tight spot. That’s okay, we’ve been through worse together. We just need to get through this blast door and we’re home free.

Mothma: You all did such a good job with the first Death Star plans. Now I need you to find the location of the Empires new battle station.

Guy can’t even draft a letter.