The darkest part of my soul knows how long they're going to be pulling glitter out of every crevice, and is glad for it.

You go girls, my real-life Wonder Women! You have my glittery support <3

Beats shooting doctors.

So you're saying I can print that out, fill it with glitter, and mail it to my local dick of a representative? Because that is DONE AND DONE.

You do you with the glitter, GBFS. I just want a t-shirt with that rad reproductive system superhero logo on it!

I have a bunch of leftover glitter ... AND some extra stamps. Thanks Geeves!

Sweatpants DO cause divorces. Those slutty slutty sweatpants, sleeping with my husband. Leaving lint on his collar...

Can you imagine sleeping in leather pants, a crisp white shirt and fingerless gloves every night? That's why he's always so damned fussy.

Counterpoint: "Those aren't sweatpants! They're just my gauchos, yoga pants and capris...made out of fluffy, stretchy, elastic-waisted, cotton terry cloth material..."

I've let myself go.

I would let Eva Mendes take my sweatpants off my very alive body...

You're onto something. If we only had to see our husbands 2-3 times a week for a couple hours at a time, it would be WAAAAAAAY easier to keep in peak condition. I'm far to lazy to be in peak condition at all times, so I'm going to go ahead and lobby for part-time husbands instead.

Feminist Ryan Gosling disapproves.

It's not really about sweatpants, fellow ladyfriends. Some men actually like sweatpants. It's about letting ourselves go. That's the REAL cause of divorce... Because once we, as women, let ourselves go then we're not physically attractive for our men anymore, and that's the whole reason they love us!

Eva Mendes can take my sweatpants off my cold, dead body.

In cop shows, women captains seem to be addressed as 'sir' also. I think it should be 'sir with ovaries, a more permeable corpus callosum, and a longer than men life expectancy'.

Yeah, What Hannibal's mom said.