“I like presidents that don't get shot in theaters."

“George McClellan (Gullible George) has been TOTALLY UNFAIR to me even after I gave him command of the Union Army and got his shorts handed to him by Robert E. Lee, a very fine individual”

Hmmm.  I wonder if this was Trump’s attempt to get the Lady Vote:  “I care about females!  I’m sending the U.S. Navy to do something about all the female trafficking going on--no one has ever done this before!  No one has ever cared for females like me!  No one has ever realized what a problem this is...look, I was…

A haiku:

Picking Biden removes the #1 attack that will be waged by Republicans:

Deodorant? The joke’s on him! Everyone works from home now! Nobody buys deodorant anymore!

“This bible school is open because we’re raising up revivalists, not pansies.”

Didn’t see the article. Just one of those guys who was way too invested in his philosophy studies in college, and still thinks epistemology and philosophy of language are incredibly cool subdisciplines of study that totally are useful.

Old man yells at clod.

I spent last night pouring one out for the Warren campaign, as she’s clearly done. After that, I started rationalizing Joe Biden as the nominee.

No. Joe exceeded your expectations.

Huh, I always thought he was more interested in beavers.

I call foul. Where is her jade egg?

At home, I finally peel off the combat boots. My heels are missing their skin and my socks are dotted with blood.

All mob lawyers look alike?

No one with half a brain cared what you said when you were the mouthpiece of the most powerful dumbass in the world, why would anyone care what you think when you are letting your own thoughts slough out of that lie hole?

I cannot claim credit for this concept (I believe it originated from Smitten Kitchen?), but one of my favorite ways to embellish a pot of beans is to make Pizza Beans. It is undoubtedly better with beans that you’ve made yourself, but canned, drained and rinsed beans will work as well - it’s ideal with any sort of…