My wife always makes fun of the way I say “wooder”. 

What a stupid fucking comment.

“Hugging?? KISSING?!? This ends now! There’s children around to see all this love. What will they think?? What will I do this bored moment!!”

Older NCO’s were always talking about doing this when they were overseas. Looks like boys playing with fire (and no good sense).

“Babies aren’t racist!”

When the victim isn’t white, “close enough” AKA “you should be glad we give a damn at all” is the preferred level.

“I wonder how I can endear myself to my brand new neighbors...”

Misery SOBs just bewilder me.

And these look like regular soft drinks:

Defund means more cops available for emergencies, not less.

One of these meals has a far more interesting backstory than the other.

Stay outta the splash zone. That water is nasty.

Sanctioned diversity is the only cure for a society addicted to racism. 

Uh, somebody better check with Rihanna before getting too happy about this.

When’s the last time you saw a police chase of any sort that didn’t end in an unnecessary dogpile?

Gotta catch ‘em all!

No shame. Lord knows I can’t have a dry lemon pepper wing anymore.

If it’s from Bojangles, it’s the best. One of the few things I miss about living in Fayetteville, NC is that it has Popeyes, KFC, Bojangles, Churchs, Chik-Fil-A and Zaxbys in it.