Run.

That’s debatable, unlike my ability to destroy clowns.

I’m a runner, and as such I keep a water bottle with me 90% of the time. It’s metal, and water’s pretty fucking dense so if the clowns come to my school some kneecaps are gonna break.

BMW, we really need you right now.

Can you get the smell of weed out of the bus?

It’s certainly got a better power to weight ratio than my dog.

Wait, an unconfirmed suicide? What does Hillary Clinton have to do with this?

I’m basically the “stealth car guy” at my school. I don’t talk about cars often, but when somebody blows smoke I’ll extinguish them like a firefighting helicopter. And then back to Trump jokes.

Frankly, everybody’s got their best Trump roasts out today, however I’m going to point out how shit the livery designer is. Trunk- good. The sides, though? ‘2016' is unnecessary, and if there was ever a reason to put “#MAGA” on something, this would be one.

Why not? I’m putting my money on Tavarish to croak first. If we get points for “what they died from,” then I’m betting Torchinsky on Argentinian wildflower LSD, and Stef Schrader will lose an epic battle with burritos or something.

About the 2008+ model year S-Classes: My grandad had one, and my god it was terrific. There’s just back seat legroom for days.

Jesus, Bill, let’s talk this out over some Guinness and potatoes.

They didn’t rape her because half the world has already seen her naked.

Everything works with Volks.

Typical jalopnik

I really would like them to have kept more of the curvy, classic,yet unique design details from the FT-1. I like it, but I have a feeling the Z5's design could be much better.

Fuck, I didn’t even like Boyhood that much, and that was a pretty popular one.

Never, ever try to make a “here come dat boi oh shit” joke ever again, Patrick.

I heard “GIANNIS ARREINYUMBO,” I dunno about you.

We pride ourselves on being assholes, quite vocal ones, here in New York, but not over stupid European shit, like cycling. Fuck that noise.