Don’t forget paying for millionaires tax cuts!

oh, but we didnt demoralize him, sean - he came to us, quite honestly, without any morals at all.

Easily the worst thing about college football is that both teams can’t lose.

Except that the fucking hipsters and their obsession with all things artisanal have made it impossible to find a reasonably priced soup filled cookie anymore.

I was alone in an elevator with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and she farted. I was going to ignore it like a gentleman when she said “woah did somebody step on a duck.” We both laughed and she turned to me and said “no one will ever believe you if you tell this again.” She is one wise lady.

He also just changed his middle name to Andoverthe.

Monistat Anti-chafe Powder Gel. Fragrance free, so no irritation, and it’s very affordable. Fragrance is damaging to your skin, even if you don’t get redness from it.

Man, people sure have a strange way of expressing their economic insecurity.

Let’s run with the equivalence you’ve created and not even question it.

In all seriousness it’s shitty that she got fired. But did anyone else think in context of history of treatment of witches, she got off easy?

How can it be a ripoff when literally every single person watching the debate had the same thought? At least everyone I was with watching it. We immediately started doing the Jaws theme.

People. People should be horrified by this man. Gender, Sex, Race, Religion, Creed, or Calling shouldn’t insulate anyone from being nauseated by him.

Madison Bumgarner is a piece of shit and it has nothing to do with the Dodgers. Fuck the Dodgers. They’re like a shitty version of the Yankees. Fuck baseball it’s less exciting than golf. What you fucking Giants fans lack in Pats-fan belligerent idiocy you make up for by being the biggest pissbabies on Earth.

I hope Cespedes hits a ball 500 feet off Bumgarner, flips the bat so hard it takes off like an Apache helicopter and leaves the stadium, and then stares down that Appalachian fuckwit before he does a pirouette and salsa dances his way around the bases. 

All this time I labored under the illusion that I was the Jizz Queen. I have a sash and everything.

Wow this article is such a waste of time (pun intended)

I’m hoping for a recap of every playoff game headlined as “The Cardinals Did Not Play in NLDS/NLCS/World Series Game (#) Tonight”

Ah yes my fellow citizens of Stl have truly showed up and proved they have no humor. My bets are I’ll be pulled over by rocket McFadden on my way home for being tan.

Thank god that story’s not about me - it was my sophomore year I played Throwing Copper on a daily basis.

+1 placenta falling to the floor