It wasn't out of fuel - there was still some left. Bullock just ran out on the way to the Chinese satellite. She could have drifted there, but couldn't because she was running out of oxygen. That's why she had to modify the landing rockets' instructions to give her that last oomph.

"Anyway, I masturbated to that scene a lot."

That scene was most likely written by Matthew Berry. Sleep tight, Magary!

That's the bottom of a water bottle.

Lemme get this straight. You put food of some sort in the tupperware, then put saranwrap over the tupperware, then you put the tupperware lid over all of that? Do you live with Xzibit?

It's in a box in the basement, along with some old Halloween stuff.

On the bright side, you only have to change its diaper once a week.

More praise needs to be directed to that guy's belt, which is doing God's work.

And I guess in the context of Lifehacker, where this article is more of a "hack that crappy BBQ into a less-crappy version" than anything else, the true hack would be "stock your pantry with quality ingredients and never have to worry about crappy BBQ sauce again".

Did you read the article? I did. Its premise is, and I quote:

Another solid option is to stop buying crappy BBQ sauces. If you want a Kansas City style sauce, buy a Kansas City sauce like Gates, Bryants, Jack's Stack or Oklahoma Joe's. Most are available on Amazon (you'll pay a slight premium), all are available on their websites. For Carolina sauce, it's probably best to just…

This information is not consistent with any restaurant I've worked at in Kansas, Missouri, Mississippi or Indiana.

If you have to break apart your chopsticks, then the chef DOES have cheap utensils!

I showed up to a friend's house and he had two boxes packed. TWO. I could have killed him.

If you want your friends to be productive when they're helping you move, the number one thing you can do is make sure you're packed. They came to help you move, not to help you get organized and box your crap up. Unless you've been evicted without notice, you've known you were going to move for months now - you better…

Hope you don't have any non-stick pans, because this is going to destroy them.

Why was there ALWAYS a ceramic dalmation?

Yup - did the same as well.

Yeah, the wording makes it sound like he doesn't know that Xavier and Creighton are Catholic.

What, no "Fast and Furious IX"?

And THAT is why you always leave a note!