Like a thief in the night!

Just think how much money he could save them on loaves & fishes day at the park.

So perfectly Yinzer.

I can’t think of a better match between restaurant chain and city than Little Caesar’s and Detroit

On the plus side, the homeless population will likely never see that hideous logo (neither on TV nor in person).

The most remarkable part of this article is that a non-HD option is still a thing.

The only way I’m watching an all star game is if it’s cross sport. I want to see basketball players playing hockey, football players playing baseball, hockey players playing chess, etc.

I think every god damned e-sports and gaming story they’re now trying to ram down our throats beats this one by a mile.

This guy gets it.

I mean it is still a joke, just at the expense of a dead person.

I blame the government. Who expects old white people in Florida to comprehend intersectionality?

Update (10:15 p.m. ET): Now, more than three hours after the game was scheduled to begin, they’re finally getting things underway. Some delightful tidbits:

So, so happy this dude won a ring. And took down the super team to do it. Good for him!

Dirk is in the perfect situation. Already won a ring. Can be longest tenured player ever with a franchise. Loves Dallas. Good for him.

The best Beltre quirk is him appealing his own check swings to first base.

Sorry about that. To provide balanced coverage I will write a “Person From New England Isn’t An Idiot Or Racist” article at some point in the future.

The worst part about the press release was the fact that heat was written in all caps which is so goddamned infuriating to me for reasons I cannot fully comprehend.

“When I break you, we’ll see”

That’s a lot of pages to say ‘we’re a bunch of assholes’