I thought for sure this was going to end with the buddy in the drunk wife.

Ted 2 looks fucking awful.

My only question is, how do we get “#RelieveBlatter” trending? It’s too good. How did nobody think of this yet?

Wait a second, there’s no fucking monorail?

If the Kia Tigers are anything like my Kia Optima, he was back there to help push.

Hot take! I have one hotter for you. What if an enemy of Collins killed his ex to frame him in order to ruin his draft stock/career/life. Dun dun dun.

I hate the Pats. I love the Gronk.

As a lawyer, it’s insulting that that’s how you think class actions work. Such a lopsided payout would never happen. The lawyers would get 73 million, and the plaintiffs would get $9.95 off of their next pay-per-view.

Sure! Everyone gets a check for $9.95 and the lawyers get $73 million.

Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that it’s fine if women want to focus on this aspect of La’el Collins’ life. I GET THAT. AND I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. But at the end of the day, I’m a football fan, and we want to see great players be great and that’s what I’m concerned with.

Your ball is in the...parking...lot.

Probably the second best golf game of that era behind this one:

There once was a burner named Joe
Who was some guy that I didn’t know
His attempted criticism
Of my quick-written witticism
Really made him come across as an asshole to anyone with a modicum of common sense and decency

Racism is obviously a problem, but we should have learned by now that it won't be cured by extra long sentences.

But then this never happens:

This was incredible, and exactly what I needed right now.

He doesn't play in the NFL. That was a lie too.

"You boys going to have a seat or are you boys going to wear a seat?"

Mountain Dew: Recommended by 0 out of 5 dentists.

The Big Ten should've said they were slap-slap-slapping the coach with a fine, then the State College community would've ignored it.