Freedom of Speech has nothing to do with private parties. The government has nothing to do with this.

Which is even worse. Why do I want to use a bank that is bad at fractions?

I seriously hope I’m wrong, but I don’t see how those children could come out not fucked up in that family.

If he announces his candidacy in 2020, he’ll have a rougher time than Hillary did.

^game theory

If you follow 10 of your friends and talk amongst yourselves and never hashtag, Twitter is wonderful.

Here’s why you’re wrong... (1/257)

okay guys this time i’m serious, don’t put your dicks in any children

Sure, she doesn’t know HER, but why does she keep wearing JLO’s bodysuits?

Can you really not answer these questions for yourself?

Thought exercise: Can Mariah Carey actually be managed?

That’s nothing. I got a nasty splinter at my aunt and uncle’s cabin in Colorado years ago. Since then I’ve had a plan for peace in the Middle East that i’ve tried to get heard but no one will take seriously. I even slept at a Holiday Inn Express to make it sound more credible.

mommest tweet of all time

My mom owns me online constantly.

b) Using profanity and fowl language: I neither subscribe to that nor find it essential to incorporate in a journalistic language.

Ashley’s mom has like 47 sock-puppet kinja accounts for posting “stick to writing about sports,” doesn’t she?

Also, Samer’s dad reads Playboy for the articles.

i see what you did there 😏

ALL cats see dead people.