Wasn’t there a story in the Bible where Jesus was faced with 5,000 hungry people, so he took five loaves of bread and two fish, and he broke the bread and said to the crowd “This is my food, you all deserve to die slowly from starvation if you can’t buy food” and then ate all the food and smugly watched the unwashed…

Dodgers games: 99.9% apathetic fair-weather-fans who just go to games to take an Instagram pic, 0.1% maniacal knife-wielding gang members who want to literally murder you.

Look, I work hard 6 days a week. Can’t I have a Sunday free of prayer?

And then they grow older and have no idea how to play actual soccer and their parents wonder why little Timmy isn’t getting a college scholarship and the US can’t field a decent team.

Same here. “No, I’m not going to play it back, I suck.” *booms it upfield into space*

What did all those generations of American soldiers die for since 1776 if not for a rigid suppression of dissent and absolute loyalty of all citizens to federal power?

The jig is in ascension.

Tear it down and build a statute of a real Maryland hero:
That girl that crushed a can of beer on her head last weekend.

“Just give me the damn ball, as per Rule 8.3(a)(b)(c) and all subsequent items.”

Yeah, poor Yankees are so victimized by the media. So little coverage and hype.

“Try doing it while blowing a 0.10 kid, and I’ll be impressed.” -Mickey

It would be amazing to hear what the draft dodger has to say to the Tillman family.

The Trump family buys shoes too.

No self-respecting man within a 20 mile radius of a Popeyes wouldn’t.

I’m sure Trump will respond in a Lebronesque fashion, an Instagram post of himself working out.

/Creedence comes on the radio

*fewer

“Mr. and Mrs. Eifert, I’m sorry to say that there was some hypoxia in the womb”

It’s really a bizarre feeling to look back to the GW Bush days as a better time.