For some reason, I read this entire article as if it concerned Britney Spears the first time through. It was very confusing until I looked closer.

"Everybody wants free money in Pine Bluff."

If he's anything like me, I see it as kind of a threshold thing.

My husband and I must be masters at this, but we always argue with the assumption that the other person might be right, and we might be remembering things incorrectly. It's amazing how quickly things can be resolved when you manage to give just that little bit of ground.

Maybe? But I think "grinning mugshot, granting all requests for interviews" puts some substance behind my bugfuck nutter theory.

I am America and So Can You.

You're a lot like America in that way.

What does it mean if I am in the minority in all of the above? Like every single one.

You can also marinate beef or ham in Coke. Works great.

Now I want to walk up to her and say "Ethnic!!" and watch her literally run away.

It's totally a real thing! I went to Sicily last summer and one time I was TRYING to say, "Good morning, I would like a cappuccino please" but instead I was all, "I oppose gay adoption, and synthetic babies are an abomination against God and nature." It was so embarrassing.

"My husband is from Italy, and if I judged him based on the words that he misuses in our English language he wouldn't be here today."

Remember when she pretended that she was not black, and then when she wanted to play Nina Simone she decided she was black? That's who we're dealing with here.

Especially as the initial interview was in Italian...and translated into English by professional translators.

it's impossible to buy arts and crafts in this country with out supporting some conservative republican or another.

Hey, if I knew synthetic children were an option, I would have gone for a model that listens when I tell her to.

You call that a pun?

Even easier: move the decimal point, multiply by two.

Also, can we talk about the hypocrisy in this article? Bartlett wants owners to "improve the livelihood of those in the service industry." Well, by not tipping, Bartlett is supporting the owner's businesses (by eating the food) while simultaneously screwing over the workers (by not leaving a tip). Also. To hold China…