I thought you'd turn out to be some old dude (over 50). You're 23, no shit fantasy football was around 12 years ago.

When the boys were younger (2 and 4) I convinced them that "Daddy's TV" only showed sports and if they wanted to watch cartoons they had to go to the "good TV" that got all the channels. Also, this may or may not be related-I, knowing that we were having hot dogs for supper one night, impaled some weiners on tree…

This is why no one will ever be a Browns fan.

#notallsportsfans

Hey daddy, who's that guy in the hardhat?

Didn't work with my son. He's too scared to ever play again. Thinks every time you fall on the grass you break your leg.

Don't forget about the evil that is Gluten Free. My girlfriend has to have gluten free everything despite the fact that she has absolutely no fucking idea what celiac's disease is.

Of course people in Sedona need to feel more like they're a part of the local hockey scene.

Maybe, instead of "Many Rivers to Cross", he uses "The Harder They Come". That seems more appropriate.

I would gladly ingest an extra yard of snot each day in exchange for seeing the Cardinals get moved from St. Louis.

"And this loneliness won't leave me alone

This is some cool shit! I realize this is just tweets about a soccer match, but it's truly amazing where data processing and visualization is going.

Cynically, we'd note that Brooks wouldn't sniff the German roster,

I don't know. I thought the last episode of Full House was kind of "meh".

I'm a woman, asshole. I believe that makes you the sexist for assuming that since I disagree with you, I must be a man.

see, this is what I'm talking about. Taking these things that aren't really a big deal and calling it sexism. Getting hung up on a simple manner of semantics such as using "girls" to collectively refer to a group of women, and you don't think you're being oversensitive? You honestly never used the term "girls' night…

Obligatory.

Center ice is a flat circle.

Eh, it wold be fun to watch everyone freak the fuck out about Jeter, but our general attitude toward performance enhancing drugs is an apathetic one.

The Deadspin ranking: C, B, A, D.