No more Paul Calandra, Joe Oliver, or Julian Fantino. Oh god, just saying that made me orgasm a little

It's crazy, sarky snark aside. I am really bummed about Peggy Nash and Megan Leslie.

Bernie is basically america’s favorite hoody. A little worn out, totally worn in, too old to care about appearances, and an intrinsic statement on income inequality.

You know that lesbians make each other come without a penis all the time, right? You’re not that special, dude.

No, I caught all the context.

AnnaKendrick47 doesn’t actually have any more of a self than the 46 units before it, but it is doing better on the Turing tests.

And though the first person to throw a brick at Stonewall was a trans woman of color named Marsha P. Johnson, the film gives that specific honor to a fake gay man of the color white named Danny Winters.

Chalky Death = my new band name.

But I bet she has an annoying friend who calls her Gentille Aloutte....Ohhh! Je te plumerai...

Pissing in a sink is one thing, pissing in your customer’s cup, in their kitchen is the dimension of the story that is important.

“But why would you “crack down” on someone complimenting your shirt or making a positive comment about your attractiveness? How are men who are attracted to you supposed to communicate that to you?”

Oh Roosh, go wash your wig already.

Can you make ones for us craven, godless lez-beans? Maybe something like Furniture Refinisher and One Who Nods Appreciatively at Furniture Refinishing While Watching Netfix? Too long?

Come on people’s-USE CONDOMS!

Oh, the things I’ve rubbed my balls on in the workplace.

“According to his children, the dad’s last words were- and I’m paraphrasing here, your Honor- “I want to see a manager, those grills marks look crunchy and I’m allergic to crunchy.”

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

I’M SO EXCITED, YOU GUYS. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.

Presenting an erect penis ... is actually an indicator of submission, and a behavior that’s unique to spotted hyenas.

Norway cares about your boner.