The Kent Tekulve one is fantastic.

"Cey You, Cey Me"

When I was a freshman in college, during my first week of classes I brought my brand-new laptop to my school's library and sat in the crowded first floor in the "quiet area." I plugged in my headphones, opened my notes, and started playing some tunes.

It happened in little league. I stole second base. Stole that fucker good too...made it there standing up. But we were playing on a field that was in one of those baseball complexes that housed like four fields right next to each other, so right as I get to second I hear the ping of a bat. Now, I'm not paying…

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Ooh!)

Sanchez, of course, got both May/December.

"Actually, analytics refers to a type of bug that lives in your butt."

If only to help me continue wanting to be young; I was hoping that the Deftones were 10 years away from doing the whole "in its entirety" thing.

His 32 hours of community service will consist of him not broadcasting the next 16 nationally televised CBS college basketball games.

I imagine an opposing campaign ad would just show 30 seconds of him in Death To Smoochy

I wouldn't want Stewart to run for office, just in case he wins. I like the guy. I think he's funny. My views tend to align with his. But if he ends up getting elected to whatever position, he'll inevitably, whether he wants to or not, have to become just another politician. And I'm sure I'll end up thinking he's a…

I really hope he stays in the comedy realm, because he is a really brilliant comedian and I have been a fan since his days as co-host of Short Attention Span Theater. He's a lot like a comedy point guard, where he excels at both dishing out setups to punchlines for others but can also deliver on his own. And frankly,…

"Have you ever vetoed a bill... on weeeeeeed?"

I mean, a man killed three people just for being Muslim last night, but go ahead and let this be your last straw.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. He thought back to the calming words he learned. Barely audibly, he recited the mantra:

When you spend a few hours lugging a golf bag up and down fairways in the summer heat, you eventually reach a state of semi-exhaustion that is actually quite liberating.