...remembered as the decade of snark, a period where being smart and funny also meant being witheringly condescending towards everyone and everything that wasn’t in on the joke.

I’m an adult I should be able to call him Bob (or Dickhead) if I want. Do you agree?

You’ll open it thinking you’ll be enjoying some delicious short bread, but in reality it will be your grandma’s sewing stuff.

There are coaches on the Competition Committee. Coaches are control freaks who will never, ever give up the slightest bit of ground.

A Cormac McCarthy book club sounds amazing and really dour. I love it. 

I refuse to acknowledge any of the Henry/Alice rumors, because if I look too into it the producers will eventually make all the contestants live in a house together so they can bone. 

20% is your max? You monster.

‘Zen and the art of motorcycle explosion.’ 

“That’s OK homie, that’s just what motorcycles do”

For sandwiches!

I can’t wait to watch movies on this thing

It’s all a ruse. He’s really on the hunt for the little guys to make the latest Burger of the Day--the Trouble with Tribbles Truffle Burger. Comes with Tribbles.

Impossible Pods paired with Glenlivet Pods at a The Jetson’s themed restaurant with 80% gratuity added to each bill, no matter how shitty the service.

“We thought we were going to get Snoop Dogg, but like... without all the Snoop Dogg parts.” - Kansas AD admins, moments before agreeing to ferry a scorpion across a river

Rock Chalk, Crip Walk

“Look, we want you to express yourself, okay? Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that, okay? You do want to express yourself, don’t you?”

“We...wish prompt resignation” is a poor Spanish-to-English translation of “esperamos pronta resignación”. The sentiment is more accurately translated as “We can only hope that time heals your loss”.

I mean you can put whatever you like on Alderaan and not worry about why it never showed up later...