Knowing the Eagles, I’m sure they have a solid, level-headed long-term strategy in place to ensure consistent excellence with a minimum of drama, and the discipline to see it through to completion.

My wife works in a Catholic high school. She never busts kids for drinking at a dance. She knows she was once young and stupid (as was I). She can pick ‘em as they’re arriving. As they come into the school she puts her arm around them, walks them down the hall a ways and says very quietly,“If you brought anything…

If you shop online, you can set your Amazon Smile account to donate a small percentage of every purchase to your local PP. Mine goes to the Greater Texas affiliates, because damn if we don’t need all the help we can get down here.

Either this is the most transparent lie since the last time Ben Carson said something, or this crew member doesn’t know how to airport or how to New York.

OMG dude I cut off so many people walking in the airport. Slow walkers, people not paying attention to where they are walking, people who stop dead in their tracks while walking. I fucking hate it.

Honestly, regardless, the odds that this is the real reason why he was asked not to board are basically zero.

As you said, god forbid in New York someone cuts you off while walking. That sort of thing just doesn’t fly here. Why, just yesterday, I was walking on the sidewalk and passed someone who was walking too slow, and they stabbed me five times in the chest. It’s a miracle I’m still alive, especially as it was the third…

legit irl lol

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

I love this. I almost had the same experience with Kill Bill Part 1. Amazingly, I married that woman, but to this day, she refuses to watch another Tarantino movie with me again.

I saw this movie on a first date. I loved the movie, did not get a second date.

This is very sweet. Grandmas of that era: mine didn't like to pick up the phone for anyone except her family, so we were all instructed to call her, let it ring twice, hang up, wait a beat, then call back. THEN she would pick it up. Nonnas, right?

Neh, I fucking love how awful Pats’ fans are. I get an erection just thinking about when Brady retires and they don’t have a winning season for two decades.

You don’t really get to hate the Giants. Without them (I wanna say “us” so bad but will resist), all Patriots haters (AKA pretty much every non-Pats fan) would be living in a world where the Pats went 19-0 and won SIX titles in the Belichick/Brady era. Whether you like it or not, you’re glad for the Giants presence.

There is no NFL season quite like an NFL season where the Dallas Cowboys are a hot, fetid mess of sub-humanity...with passion. Considering that, 2015 is shaping up to be one of the best seasons in the last 30 years.

I was going to say the same thing. Like, holy shit!

You know you fucked up when Philadelphia has the moral high ground

This comment is some serious quality.

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.