I hope your kid gets better quickly.

That’s a truly sweet sentiment, especially the part about your kids.

Maybe this is a Twilight Zone type thing, not only is that not his sex toy, but it’s actually invisible to everyone but you and your wife. You wouldn’t happened to have been abducted by aliens or angered an elderly and vengeful witch in the past?

Amen to that, especially the part about the pizza!

EXCELLENT PERSPECTIVE!

It’s time for SAVAGE NOBODY! The ADVICE COLUMN that has a LOVELY centerpiece of SEX TOYS on his DINING ROOM table!

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column whose thing clearly isn’t effort!

34 is way too young R. I. P.

“I am a pimp, and pimps don’t commit suicide.”

You were going to drink less for January? Savage Nobody always tries to drink more! Also, yay! Free neck gaiter!

“Water”, sure... Nice red water to preserve your youth, right?

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column for closeted necrophiliacs who are turned off by any sign of life!
Question of the week: As this is the last Savage Nobody if January 2021, what are some ways to keep optimistic for the rest of the year?

There are a lot of things that were huge stories at the time but most people don’t know much, if anything, about now. Speaking from personal experience, we barely covered the Spanish Flu in school even though it caused more deaths than World War I. So that’s a very real possibility.

I love that last sentence.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column whose girlfriend’s former FWBs (and boyfriends, and spouses, and casual acquaintances) are always better looking and better hung than he is!
Today’s question of the week is:

So you’re saying you want me to transplant their feathers onto penguins and vice-versa? Great idea!

Savage Nobody clearly has the right to steal zoo animals and perform crazy experiments on them!

Savage Nobody will respond to this comment. Right after the operator directs you to the correct location. What’s that? Savage Nobody doesn’t have an operator? Oh... ‘crickets’

Fuck those people. That’s not even a peeve, those people were outright harassing you.

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