Your knowledge of buttholes intringues me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

So you’re saying Savage Nobody should get surgery to turn himself into a human babushka doll? Great idea!

Savage Nobody doesn’t know where he gets these either! (I’ve actually been sitting on this one since 2019, just waiting for a chance to use it). As for your inner work comment, clearly you haven’t yet learned the joys of plastic surgery. Which is why Savage Nobody has signed you up for a tail transplant. You can thank…

It’s time for the first 2021 edition of Savage Nobody! The question column that will be taking YOUR answers from now on! Savage Nobody still plans to function as an advice column, but for this year I have also decided to add a question of the week feature, in order to explore the big questions of life that people who…

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that didn’t get coal this Christmas!

Hell yeah, Savage Nobody believes!

If times for Savage Nobody! The advice column wishing you all a Merry, Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or Wonderful Whatever-You-Celebrate! Speaking of Whatever-You-Celebrate, you may all remember last year’s Savage Nobody’s Krazy Kristmas kolumn (or maybe not, because some losers choose to spend the holidays with their…

That director was symbolic of Covid-19 and the film was representative of the free time it’s given you. The dream is telling you to use that time to learn a skill, like singing.

I can totally understand what you’re feeling but let me tell you that, in Savage Nobody’s completely anecdotal experience, getting upstaged by your penis is completely normal. Savage Nobody sometimes wishes that women would pay attention to him, but instead they only focus on his wiener. All they can talk about is how…

Sorry, Savage Nobody doesn’t have the same connection that Savage Love has, so, instead of having your sex dream shared with a broadway star, you’ll have to settle for having it shared with a hobo acquaintance of Savage Nobody’s who once slept out in a Broadway alley. That hobo acquaintance being Savage Nobody’s old…

Savage Nobody really needs to keep up with modern tv in order to understand your references. I recommend asking yourself, “does this bring me joy?” If the answer is “yes,” stick with it, like Savage Nobody sticks with his old favorite shows.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that read that first question, wondered what would happen if Andrew Rannells were to read it, read on to find out that Dan actually showed it to Rannells and burst out laughing! Also love that second guy’s use of the phrase “made love to my penis.”

It’s time for a fashionably late addition of Savage Nobody! The advice column that’s sorry for not popping in earlier but has been very tired the last few days! I recognize that most people probably have had all of their questions answered by this point in the day, but if you’re still perplexed by platypii or don’t…

Sorry, but Savage Nobody is currently a couple million in debt from his last business venture (I don’t understand where my chicken farm idea went wrong!). Why don’t you as Donald Trump? In addition to his tv experience, he’s going to have a lot of time on his hands soon and he’s already a cumplete joke!

Where else would you put a dead girl’s phone?

They’ll stop egging you on around the time they stop egging you. Which is never, because it’s so much fun. Savage Nobody is actually opening up his own chicken farm just so he has more eggs to pelt you with!

My apologies to the Sukkas. I did not mean to offend them as I know that they have other things to deal with. And by other things, I mean dik.

Penis on a dead girl’s phone? Sounds like a typical Friday night for Savage Nobody! I would advise him to get his most trusted friend to help dig a hole and shove the body in. Then, I would recommend he kill the friend and shove him in, because you can never be too careful... Not that Savage Nobody would know...

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The semi-literate free-porn-poster who is polluting the entire planet’s (and other, alien planets’) comprehension of cumblebragging and sukking dik!

Yes there is, it’s called hacking.